7 Signs of True Self-Love

So, you started your self-love journey! Congratulations—that’s a huge step forward! 

Now, you probably want to confirm if you are really on the healthy track to true self-love.

How can you do that? Well, I have good news. There are signs you will see on this journey. And that’s because when you love yourself, life changes. The lenses through which you see others, the world, and daily circumstances alter when you begin to bet on yourself. 

When you go all in on you, you’ll start to see these 7 signs you are practicing true self-love.

1. You Have So Much Peace

You will experience a new level of peace when you’re practicing true self-love. When you are loving you well, you are able to cancel the outside noise that kills peace. You stop comparing yourself to others. You get out of the superficial, photoshopped world and find the peace that comes from loving yourself just as you are. 

Because true love is consistent and faithful, it does not sway with every turn of emotion from you or others. Love is consistent even in a changing world. Consistency and faithfulness create the stability which is the breeding ground for peace. 

2. You Finish What You Start

There is something you prove to yourself when you finish something you started. You are demonstrating  a level of commitment to yourself. Obviously, finishing what you start begins with starting something. Have you made any particular commitments to yourself lately? This could look like changes to your everyday schedule, like committing to wake up earlier. Are there books you have started but not finished? What about the book you said you would write? Or the business you said you would start? What about cleaning out that area of your house or redecorating? Did you start something only to find yourself saying you would finish next spring, or when the weather is nicer, or when you “have more time”?

Maybe you have some long standing commitments like making more time for yourself? Or losing that weight? Or earning that degree?

For some reason, it’s easier to finish tasks for others. If we constantly started work assignments without completing them, we would likely be fired. If we handed every paper and assignment in school without it being complete, we would likely fail. And this makes sense. No one would pay full price for their nails to get done and happily leave with just their right hand complete. We can look at things on the outside, like work, homework, or even a manicure and understand why we should finish what is started.

However, when it comes to our personal lives and goals, we constantly make excuses as to why we didn’t complete them. This is unacceptable. Our dreams and visions are much more valuable than a set of nails. 

Having constant incomplete tasks subconsciously tells ourselves we don’t deserve complete. When we don’t finish what we start, we are effectively giving ourselves the message: You fail & you’re fired! So many people walk away from the commitments they make to themselves, especially their fitness goals. Gyms literally survive due to this! With people and industries betting against you, bet on yourself. Keep your commitments and finish what you started.

3. You Honor Your Physical Body

As you grow in self-love, you are able to love your body and physical appearance in the state you are in. You understand what can and should improve but can accept changes your body goes through over time. Life has ebbs and flows, and most of us will not look the same way we did in high school. Most of us will not look exactly the same way in our 20s as we will in our 60s. 

Would you love yourself the same if you gained 20 lbs or lost 20 lbs? What if your face breaks out in pimples galore? What if your hair starts to thin? It is important to love our physical bodies in the very form they are in.

Honoring your physical body also includes treating it well by consuming nutrients that your body needs. Although you may want the addictive sugars and fats found in unhealthy foods, it does not honor your body to eat them because they will hurt you in the long term. Neglecting exercise and a healthy diet dishonors and disrespects your physical body. 

However, even if you have ended up in a place that is unhealthy because of poor diet, exercise, or medical reasons, you can start to honor your body today! Making changes for your health is just as important as learning to love your body right where it is. It’s okay to have certain goals or things you may want to tweak, but learning to love your body starts before you get into the kitchen or gym. It starts in your mind.

4. You Don’t Give Into Temptations

This is a sure sign of self-love. True love is stable, consistent and faithful but temptations are temporary. Temptations are distractions! They distract you from your goals and vision. If you’re on the path to losing weight, temptation comes in the form of your favorite dessert. If you’re on the path of healing, the temptation may look like your ex popping back into the picture. If you’re on the path of seeking God, temptation may look like friends saying that’s a waste of time. Temptations will always take you off of the path you’re supposed to be on. 

Temptations present themselves in an alluring way but one way to know you are practicing true self-love is that you find yourself giving in less and less. You understand you don’t have to bow to every emotion that temptation puts in front of you. You love yourself enough to realize your worth is more valuable than the empty promises of short-term temptation. And that gives you the boldness and courage to reject any temptation great or small. 

5. You Enforce Your Boundaries. Period!

We all have different things that hurt us. Most of us can laugh about some tough things in our lives, but there are some things that are very painful. These boundaries are kind of like invisible internal lines that we don’t want crossed, and they look different for every person and in every season. 

Creating boundaries happens intrinsically. We all have boundaries but we don’t all enforce them. For example, if you have a boundary that you will never let anyone belittle you, do you make an exception when you get into a fight with your best friend? Do you let it slide if it comes from your parents or partner? 

It is important to enforce your boundaries—regardless of who crossed them—because boundaries guide how you allow others to treat you. If you set boundaries and fail to enforce them, you are saying to others, “I am drawing my line that I don’t want you to cross but, it’s okay if you cross it.” Thus, the boundary falls apart. It literally makes no sense. 

Enforcing your boundaries is key to true self-love. No one should ever have numerous opportunities to disrespect and cross your boundaries. If this happens over and over again, there needs to be a time when you stand up for yourself , or the person will likely be a repeat offender. If you are working on this and want healthier relationships, an excellent book about boundaries is Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud.

When people do not treat you with respect, they should no longer have full access to you. Every person is equal in value and made in the image of God. No one was created to be abused or mistreated—you are worth so much more. True self-love means that you enforce your boundaries.

6. You Are Saying No A Lot

Saying no is just another way of setting your boundaries. I included this as a separate sign from boundaries because no is hard and clear. When you set boundaries, your boundaries may need some explaining. The people in your life may want to understand why it seems like you are making so many sudden changes. That is fair. But there are some things in our life that require a hard no! 

A lot of people struggle with saying no. This leads them to soften their answer, which in turn causes confusion. Instead of saying no, people say Maybe, I’m not sure, I have to see… If you know your answer is no then say no! You don’t have to feel guilty for saying no. If you want to be polite, you can simply say No, thank you. 🙂

People who practice self-love are confident and know who they are. They know they deserve respect for who they are because they respect others. It doesn’t matter if every other person in the room says “yes”—they can boldly say “no.”    

7. You Give Like Crazy!

A sign you are practicing true self-love is a giving heart. Now, I don’t mean you will empty your entire closet and bank account to every person you see. A giving heart is not restricted by material items or any possessions for that matter. Our time is more valuable than those things anyway. But, I am not talking about time either. Giving from your heart is not a matter of what you give but the posture of your heart while you are giving. A lot of times we give to others and later regret it because our hearts were not truly there. 

In teaching self-love to others, one thing I stress is setting aside time with yourself and making that “you-time” a priority. However, this is met with a lot of pushback. At the time I am writing this article, I have no kids and am not married yet. People will say, “But you don’t understand, Brianna. You’re single. If I was single, I would have ‘me time’ too, but I just can’t with my kids & ______” Fill in the blank there. I will admit, of course, a single person probably has more opportunities to have alone time, but quite frankly, your relationship status or having a family is not an excuse for not taking time for yourself. It’s a non negotiable.

Take these two scenarios:

Scenario 1: A mother and wife works non-stop to give to her family. When someone asks something of her, she doesn’t want to because she feels tired, sick, sad, or drained. She pushes past her feelings and does what is asked of her. 

Scenario 2: A mother and wife who works to her limit caring for her family. When she feels tired, sick, sad, or drained, she rests. She knows her limit and communicates it to her family so they understand. She cares for her family, and her family cares for her.

The first woman paints a beautiful, strong, but tired woman. 

The second woman is just as beautiful and strong. 

The difference between these women is that in Scenario 2, the woman’s family sees her as human. She sets her boundaries, and when she is tired, she rests. If I told you that one of these women grew into a bitter woman in 10 years, which woman would you guess it was?

You see, it is quite ironic. Although the woman from Scenario 1 worked nonstop, it is actually the woman from Scenario 2 who gave more. Why? Because it is easier to give to others from a full cup than from an empty cup.

When you practice true self-love, you learn to give to yourself, filling your cup. And when your cup is full, you can give to others. 

I hope you treated this article like a checklist, checking off areas you have downpat and screenshotting areas you can work on. Self-love changes everything—and everyone can develop and grow in their true self-love. Need some help learning how to grow into true self-love? Schedule a session with me, and we’ll unpack your self-love goals together.