Resisting Temptation: A Form of Self-Love

In life, we all face temptations. Even if we try our best to avoid temptations, they still come. However, while temptations are inevitable, giving into them isn’t!? We can resist temptations, and doing so is a major form of self-love.

Here are several things you need to know to begin to resist temptations in your life.

1. Temptations Chase Us

You can’t avoid all temptations. To make it more difficult, it’s often packaged in such an appealing way. A way that seems so promising. A way that will surely satisfy! The world is always trying to force us to feed into our temptations and ultimately give in.

For instance, someone struggling with a porn addiction may take all of the necessary precautions to avoid it, like placing blockers on their phone or joining an accountability group. They may even take dramatic precautions such as avoiding certain places like the beach. But, even after taking all of these precautions, they may still come across people in public places dressed provocatively, causing them to feel tempted. They may drive past a billboard. Or, see a magazine with a seductive photo that tempts them to fall back into the addiction they are trying so hard to fight against. 

What about the person—let’s call her Emma—who vowed to stay committed to her weight loss journey this time around? Emma may throw out all of the cookies in her cabinet and vow to not pass through any fast food drive-thrus. But, it is quite impossible to control what people eat around her! Seeing or smelling foods may cause her to feel tempted to eat the foods she knows she shouldn’t… And is it really realistic to avoid every family/ friend/ work function just to prevent being tempted by food that may be served? 

The biggest issue with giving into our fleshly desires is that: our flesh is never satisfied! Nothing will ever be enough.

2. Temptations Set Us Back 

So what exactly is temptation? It is the desire to do something that is wrong or ultimately not good for us in the long run. Oxford’s Advanced Learning Dictionary describes temptation as the desire to do or have something that you know is bad or wrong. Temptations are distracting in nature so a temptation can also be anything that comes to distract or delay us from our purpose. For example, think of taking a road trip. Every time you stop at a rest stop, hotel, or store, you are quite literally delaying yourself from reaching your destination. 

But in life, temptations are not just delays—they are many times worse! They take us back to square one. Imagine taking a road trip where a seemingly harmless stop would take you back to your starting location?!

This might sound a little dramatic, but giving into temptations really does set us back this far…and it’s tough because these are everywhere!  

In a more extreme example, temptation may be heightened when someone struggles with addiction. A more common form of temptation is laziness. Whether breaking the grips of addiction or laziness, the recovery process includes starting over. Many aspects of life need to be accounted for to get back on track like adopting a new mindset and new habits. This can make us feel we have been pushed back to square one. 

3. Recognition is the First Step to Resistance

Since we are all so different, our temptations are not the same. Some of us are better at resisting temptations and research shows we all have stressors that impact our ability to exercise self-control.

Psychologists have spent decades researching how much of combating temptation we can actually control. Is our ability to resist the temptation simply self-control or willpower? Is it based on our circumstances, is it instinctual? Are some people more inclined to give in to temptations than others? If you have found yourself fighting the same fight for years seemingly always having the same struggle – first let me say, congratulations on recognizing the reoccurring temptation you are facing. Recognition is the first step in change. 

We all know temptations should be resisted, but in our lack of self-control, we sometimes find ways to justify it. Instead of recognizing temptations for what they are, we mask them in other ways that make them seem benign or even good. 

Emma’s Story

For example, let’s think back to Emma.  She put significant effort into her weight loss journey, clearing her fridge and cabinets of all unhealthy foods. She even joining a gym! After her second week of healthy eating, temptation comes… she finds herself at a friend’s party with a slice of cake on her plate. 

Friend: Wow, you have been doing so well on your diet. I can already tell you have lost weight! 

Emma: I know that’s why I can’t eat this.

Friend: You have been too strict. Treat yourself!

Emma: *thinks about how hard the last two weeks have been* You’re right, I should treat myself.

*Gives into temptation*

Emma gave into temptation because she didn’t recognize it for what it was. AND this goes against so many facts! 

• After only two weeks, Emma has not yet broken her unhealthy eating habit. There is a lot of different information out there on how long it takes to break habits or form new ones. It is catchy for people to present a life-changing solution for your bad habit in 60 days or 21 days! I have even seen remedies like the “3-day rule to break your bad habit.” Well, research has shown it can take 18 to 254 days to form a new habit. Because Emma has not reached the point of forming a new habit, a single slice of cake could easily mean she falls right back into her lifestyle of unhealthy eating. 
• Also, research proves sugar is addicting, meaning Emma will likely cheat on her diet again. It is likely she will give in shortly after eating this one piece of cake. Perhaps eating another slice or cheating again in the next few days.

So, needless to say, eating that slice of cake would not be a reward for Emma.  It would really be to her detriment. Because she failed to recognize the slice of cake as a temptation and instead reframed it as a reward, she broke her promise to herself. Her mind tricked her (and her friend’s influence didn’t help either). Emma ultimately thought she was rewarding herself by eating the cake that directly delays her ultimate goal. 

We psychologically turn temptation positive by viewing it as a reward instead of the negative setback that it is. How twisted is that?

David’s Story

Recently I met David (not his real name!), a 26-year-old man who shared with me many of his life goals. He didn’t have hopeless dreams— he was actively working hard to make them become a reality. He was very passionate and wanted to reap the reward of his hard work for his family in the future. Then he shared that women have been a distraction to him throughout his life, and so he made the decision to not have sex or even date. He abstained from romantic relations with women for over two years without any religious connection (one of the top enforcers for people to abstain from sex). This decision was purely motivated by his desire to stay focused without having to expend any of his focus, energy, effort, money, or drama into a potential relationship. All of these resources fueled his dream. 

I was proud and impressed hearing this, but another admission soon followed. With hesitation, he shared that in the last two years, he did increase how much he watches pornography. I felt a shift in the conversation to a combination of shame and the relief that comes with sharing something so private. He explained that although he doesn’t think it is positive he has been watching porn more often, he was able to justify it. How? By the fact that he wasn’t messing with the hearts or bodies of women he met in person. Though this claim could be refuted, as pornography still exploits people in unimaginable ways, this is an example of how we seek reasons or excuses to justify our temptations. 

Although David did not believe it was morally wrong to watch pornography and did not want to commit to eliminating it from his life completely, he acknowledged that he would not want to watch it more than once a week because it doesn’t line up with the future life he wants.

Just as Emma’s slice of cake led her back to her temptation, unfortunately, David headed in the same direction. Although it seems watching porn is a better route than sleeping around, it doesn’t deal with the root temptation—lust.

Pornography is addictive in nature, and research proves some neural processes parallel that of drug abuse. Instead of trading the temptation for a lesser evil, increasing pornography will likely present more issues than there was before. Research shows watching porn leads to a host of dysfunctions such as ED, low sexual desires, sexual anxiety, low sexual satisfaction, and more.

There is a temptation for every goal you will ever have. If you are not careful, you can psychologically trick your mind into rewarding yourself with the very thing that may be your downfall. But you don’t have to if you commit to recognizing temptation, seeing it for what it truly is.

4. Self-love is the Key to Resisting Temptation

Self-love allows us to see with clarity instead of being confused by distracting deception. Loving yourself the right way will get you to a place where you can resist temptations, spot them a mile away, and build the strength to fight back!

We are always given a moment of reflection before we make the decision to give in or resist temptation. You know, that moment when we second guess ourselves right before giving in. Don’t do it! In every temptation, there is a way of escape. This moment helps us remember what our goals are, see with clarity, and summon the strength to say “no” to distractions that temporarily satisfy fleeting desires and say “yes” to our true desired goal. Remember, on most occasions, you will regret giving in to temptation.

When we use self-control to resist temptations, we build our self-esteem. Your self-esteem will boost when you set goals that are meaningful to you. Then, actively work towards them even when you have to resist temptations! 

On the flip side, your self-esteem will plummet when you find yourself giving into the temptations you are trying to avoid. This usually happens when we’ve given up on our goals. Giving into temptations is usually an external manifestation of something that’s going on internally. If that happens, and you feel tired of fighting the same issue and have the thought “what’s the point, it’s not a big deal. This may just be my cross to carry,” don’t give up. Perhaps instead of focusing on resisting temptations, focus on what it means to love yourself. Resisting temptations will flow out of that.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.

Henry Ford

Throughout life, the truth is, some people struggle more than others, but the creator will never allow temptation to go beyond what you can bear. 

Conclusion

As you grow in love for yourself, purpose will override the desire to give into temptations. You will have enough self awareness and self-love to stop temptation in its tracks. And that’s because nothing is more compelling than knowing who you are and what you were created to do. No temptation can stand up to that!